Why We had to Kill Kathy Again!
by S.carlett V.on U.ttenburg
Summary: Revenge of the Uterus! It's the sequel to everybody's favorite EO comedy! Check it out!
1. Let Her Eat Cake!

"**Why we had to kill Kathy…Again. Revenge of the Uterus!"**

**AN: I thought that I had pretty much saturated my Kathy Killing funny bone with the first "Why We Had to Kill Kathy", but yet again Dick Wolf and his minion of Demon writers have ercked me into a state of utter annoyance. I don't know about the rest of you EO shippers, but I am in dire need of SVU without Kathy. So this is a sequel to "Why We Had to Kill Kathy". If you haven't read that- you may be slightly confused at times, but I will do my best to add hints of exposition, for shear fact that even if you have read the first story, you may not remember it. Just know, that it's a ridiculous comedy. So dive into it with an open mind to laugh.**

**Things to know**

**- Kathy died in the last story- I refuse to tell you how. If you want to know- you'll have to read the first part. **

**-It's written the Olivia's POV**

**-Read it as if you are reading a movie script. Descriptions of the scene will be in Bold Italics and Olivia's thoughts are like a voice over.**

**Let her eat cake!**

_**A crowd of fifty or more people gather around a dinning room table in the Stabler/Benson Manhattan residence. The lights in the room go dim and dark as Elliot Stabler walks into the room with a birthday cake lit with candles. They all begin to sing as the crowd parts and Olivia is seen at the head of the dining table, blushing and laughing behind her hands.**_

"AH! You guys lied to me! I hate you all! Elliot Stabler, you foiled me!"

_**Her cries of protest are smothered by the loud boisterous singing of Birth and Day's. Elliot winks at Munch, Casey, and Fin, as if they were just as responsible for the event of surmise, and he places the cake in front of her with a lilt of a smile beaming from his face.**_

"Make a wish."

It all started with a wish. I sat in the center of attention with forty flaming candles taking over the melting mess of sugary birthday cake beneath it, and I wondered how the hell I made it to such a ripe old age.

Things in my life were different now that the world had finally decided to place me at the head of Elliot Stabler's dining table. I still sit back and wonder what would have happened if that unfortunate bullet had taken a different path? Would I still be sitting next to this perfectly charming man and his four beautiful children blowing out forty, count them FORTY, rainbow colored birthday candles? How did I get the better end of the straw? Sure I did my time, but Kathy will always remain six feet under. And why does she deserve one thing, while I deserve another? Of course, life is always full of self-defeating questions. If I allowed myself to believe that I was to blame for her shortcomings, I'd have run for the hills by now. Or worse, I'd have probably slit my wrists by now. No, eaten my gun. Wrist slitting is too piss poor. If I were going to do something like that it'd be quick and thorough. Oh god, why am I thinking these things? Sigh. All in all, I had no reason to complain. Life with Elliot was perfect. How could I want or ask for anything else, right? RIGHT? That's what I thought, anyway. But people can't leave well enough alone. Not even groveling, grateful, grounded people like myself. Say that three times fast.

After the wedding, I found myself in that hot seat of what comes next. And…well everybody knew what comes next, even the children that I teach knew what came next.

_**FLASH to several children sitting in a circle, clapping there hands together, and giggling.**_

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Elliot in the baby carriage!"

_**Their high-pitched laughter bursts into a loud roar and simmers to an evil reverberated hush and we FLASH back to Olivia's thoughts.**_

It was like an itch. All I had to do was blink the thought of drool and breast-feeding and it was like anyone with a womb could tell I'd thought it.

_**FLASH to Olivia picking up her cell phone as she drives in a mini van.**_

Casey: "Are you pregnant?"

Liv: "Wha-……No….should I be?"

Casey: "Are you sure?"

Liv: "Why are you asking me this?"

Casey: "No reason… curious is all. Just wondered, had my thoughts, ideas, okay, Elliot had that look in his eye yesterday."

Liv: "Really."

Casey: "That and we had a bet going down here at the 'Cinct. Two hundred bucks and a get out of court free pass."

Liv: "That's…nice. I didn't realize my uterus was so profitable. Did you win?"

Casey: "Well how sure are you?"

I looked down at the mess of a purse I carried and the hoard of tampons falling from the opening seemed to smile at me in their little pink and green wrappers.

Liv: "Flo is fo' sho', Case."

Casey: "Then, no, I just lost, but, hey if you were thinking about it, could you drop me a date or a guessed proximity, sex details…something-"

Liv: "Absolutely…not. And I can't believe Elliot brought anything about a baby up in front of all of you."

Casey: "Ah, it slipped. He did blush though. Very sweet."

Liv: "Yeah, like a Chinese chicken."

Casey: "You're such a hard ass."

Liv: "I wouldn't have to be, if he'd let it slip with _me_ next time and not the whole burrow of Manhattan."

Casey: "Pun intended?"

Liv: "Pun dismissed. I'm hanging up now."

Casey: "Liv, you'd be a good mommy."

Liv: "I'm already a mom, Casey. I don't need to be a mommy. Goodbye."

Casey quickly yelled as I clicked off my phone ", Her kids don't count!"

_**FLASH back to Olivia taking in an inhalation of breath in front of the birthday cake.**_

She had a point. But it was easier said than done. Especially at my age. "Done" was about as much as my eggs could be, it seemed. If slipping was all it took I'd be bouncing that baby at this exact moment. Instead, I gazed hopefully into those candles and asked the aura of melted Birthday wax for something miraculous to happen.

Elliot squeezed my hand and in that brief moment I swear to god I could see a tiny baby waving back at me in the sparkle of his eyes.

Like a fat latex balloon leaking air in slow motion I exhaled and the candles smoked into darkness.

_**Darkness Fades into the next scene. **_

"AHHHhooohhh, mmm. Mmmmmmm, MMMMM, YES, YEEESS, OOOHH, God! Oh my god! Oh…my….."

I closed my eyes in a flush of after sex buzz and pregnant thoughts, as Elliot pushed the last bit of organism between my legs. As we breathed our selves back to earth I searched for that new feeling of pre-life, but there was nothing. Well, nothing more than the usual sexual pleasure I had always gotten from our intense lovemaking. He, on the other hand, seemed to have gone to another place and time entirely. His boxy shoulders limped over top of me as he closed his hungry gaze and smiled with more than one kind of satisfaction. I could tell by the way he nestled his face next to my ear and playfully moved his sticky penis inside of me. Like keeping it there would be all the magic wand I needed.

"You alright there partner," I said with a low tone.

"I got you good tonight, sexy lady."

I smiled. It was a smile that only a woman who'd been whipped could have made. "You did indeed. Although, I had my suspicions."

He sat up and looked my in the eye. "No, you didn't. I so got you. You had no idea."

"I will admit that you had me going with the whole house warming party bit and the old excuse for a reunion, but I could tell something was up."

"Oh, you didn't know shit. I had this planned for months and you had no idea." He proudly smiled into his best impersonation of me. "'Oh, gosh I have to paint the bathrooms and get all of the furniture together. Do you think since this is your second house people will find this whole thing hypocritical? Target's having a sale on end tables.'"

"Yeah, nice way of getting me to clean for my own birthday party, by the way."

His face turned a guilty scarlet red, but he wasn't backing off. "No, no, no, you don't go changing the subject. And I had a case, which you of all people understand. Otherwise you were going to be sent away. The only trick in my book was the surprise and through crafty mind games, my mission was complete. You had no idea! Admit it Benson, you were duped."

I could have told him that I saw the birthday candles in the grocery bag two days ago, but I didn't want to crush his ego that much. Plus, he looked so cute trying to defend his romantic attempts of surprise Birthday parties and 'gotcha' gimmicks. I gave in. With a turn of the head and an honest to god kiss on the nose I sighed and let him win. "You're right, I had no idea."

"Okay, now you're patronizing me."

"No! I was duped. I was completely surprised."

He pushed me away like a child having a pouty temper tantrum. It was his mocking way of …well getting his way. I grabbed his arm with a hint of laughter behind my voice. "You baby. Come here." I pulled him back towards me and kissed his lips. His exhausted member still remained inside of me and he purposefully twitched it to tease my insides.

"Elliot! I swear to god, you're such a man whore."

"You love it."

"I do."

Our love sick banter subsided for a moment and I kissed his on the cheek. "Seriously though, thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday."

We nestled in silence and the smell of his cologne taunted my lips to kiss his neck. He wiggled and twitched. "Woo, stop that. You're bad."

When I didn't stop he pulled out and instantly raspberried my bare stomach. As we wrestled with laughter between the sheets I could sense the question brewing on his mind.

The tickles turned into arm grabs and the arm grabs turned into holding and the holding turned into silence…and the silence brought out the thoughts.

His arms wrapped around me, holding my hands together like human handcuffs. Slowly he took the hand on top of my body and rested it on my stomach. There was a pause. The pause of niche. That niche that only comes when we're too afraid to say what's on our minds. The pause of "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to say it out loud right now," pause.

But I guess our minds weren't always in the same niche though, because he overlooked it and went right to the question.

"Do you think it worked this time?"

The sound of his anticipation made my heart sink to the bottom of my pelvis. Sometimes I think he was taking my lack of fertility harder than I was. It was obvious that my barren womb had nothing to do with his inability to fill it. If anyone could fill a woman it was Elliot Stabler. His four children were proof enough, but if you really needed more, the details of our sex is about as far as I'll allow you to experiment. I couldn't say no.

"Maybe?"

Before I could get upset he kissed me on the forehead. "You're already a mom in my mind. Either way. I love you."

"Love you too."

So there we were somewhere between trying and crying. All these years I thought the hardest part of becoming a mother would be landing the right man. It seems like I was sorely mistaken. That or maybe it was life's way of saying that I can't have my cake and eat it too. If only I could have been satisfied with the idea of the cake my indulgences wouldn't have lured me into the 'next'. Still, nobody likes to actually sit and watch cake. I would be cheating myself not to want a taste of it. Whether I was being persecuted for Kathy's life or not, I would have Elliot Stabler's baby or die trying. It wasn't too much to ask. And what does Kathy have to do with it anyway? It's not like she could stop me.

_**Closing credits for Chapter one. We here the boom of Heart's guitar as "Barracuda" plays loudly over Olivia's finale close up. Her face is that of a woman who knows what she wants.**_

**So, this ain't the end - I saw you again today**

**I had to turn my heart away**

**smile like the sun - kisses for ev--eryone**

**And tails - it never fails!**

**You lying so low in the weeds**

**I bet you gonna ambush me**

**You'd have me down, down, down, down on my knees**

_**Elliot follows the length of her body and lightly kisses the curve of her stomach, hips, and inner thigh.**_

**Now, wouldn't you, Barracuda? Oh-oh-ohh**

_**Olivia closes her eyes and lies back on the bed as Elliot goes for the fruit of her womb. We black out before he gets too graphic.**_

**Ohhh Barracuda!**

**AN: Drop me some thoughts. I was seriously in need of some romanic EO after "Inconvience" and I'm talking the kind of romantic EO that could not have Kathy interfere. So this came to me. You likey or no? **


	2. Drums

**AN: ECK- I'm so happy to get to finish this chapter. I've been so frigg'n busy. I can't handle it. I hate being too busy. Ok so a reminder- **

**Bold- is stage direction.**

**_Italic- song lyrics_**

Anything else is all in Olivia's POV

**Also, there is a lot of smut in this story. I think I may have to break a record with this story. How many smutty ideas can I work into this story without forcing the issue? I don't know- but we'll find out!**

**Drums **

**Olivia sits in the doctor's office next to Elliot, who is rubbing her knee and playing with his phone at the same time. His attention is not focused on this meeting. **

Olivia: "Yes, but we've been trying for three months, don't you think something would have happened by now?"

My thumb started to nervously rub the tips of my manicured middle and fore finger as Dr. Cox, my seriously over chipper doctor, not to mention awfully young doctor, assured me that I was jumping the gun….it wouldn't be the first time. No pun intended.

Dr. Cox: "This is typical for a woman your age."

And you would know because….you were born yesterday? Stop! Stop, Liv. That's mean. I'm sure his degree is worthy of my uterus.

Dr. Cox: "I recommend that you give it more time before moving onto other options. You at least have to give it six months. You've read the books, you're doing all the right steps with the temperature journal and the positions, you're a healthy woman, and let's face it, forty is the new thirty am I right?"

He laughed. I didn't. I certainly didn't feel like I was thirty. And again he smiled. I think it was irritating me, the smile. Something was irritating me. I couldn't place my finger on it.

**Elliot strums his fingers on her knee.**

Was it his teeth?

**Close up on Dr. Cox's chiclit like teeth**.

His baby like skin?

**Elliot's hand rubs her knee as she tries to squint the vision of Dr. Cox's perfect skin into a blurry complexion. Again the blackberry clicked as Elliot types one handed.**

I honestly, didn't care about this guy's dental work nor his birth date, I just needed to know he could get me through pregnancy, and he came highly recommended. Yet, I couldn't concentrate on him at the moment. Something was holding me back.

**Strum, strum, rub.**

Dr. Cox: "This is really quite common and I feel….as…"

His lips were moving but my mind was elsewhere. What was it?

**Click click click…vibrating**.

Dr Cox: " Ahem…Olivia?"

Olivia: "Hm? Oh. Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm…just a little …out of it this morning. Tense. Sorry. Maybe we should come back another day? Maybe I'm not ready for this?"

**Click click click, strum.**

Dr. Cox: "Olivia, if you want results, my best advice is to give it three more months and most importantly---Relax!"

His smile was that of a young skinny white guy Buddha. I wanted to relax. Relax sounded so…rainbows and lollipops, coming off of his tongue. Why wasn't I relaxed? I took a look at his sunshine face and the rubber ducky perched on his computer monitor, but the brightness of relaxation wasn't…Elliot.

**Click click click.**

I touched the hand that was on my knee and squeezed it.

Elliot: "One second, Hun. Keep talking."

Relax. How could I relax with all the click, click, clicking. Elliot's constant blackberry typing was starting to double click my feng shui. My tension just found its perp. How was anybody supposed to relax with that going on in the background twenty-four hours a day? With each moment that his eyes stayed fixed on the tiny screen in his left hand I wanted to scream. Dr. Cox noticed my discomfort.

Dr. Cox: "Um. Hemmm. Excuse me. Elliot? Mr. Benson?"

Elliot's eyebrows lifted but his focus remained on the phone. "Stabler."

Dr Cox: "Stabler? Stabler. I couldn't help but notice you're…what is that text messaging?"

Elliot: "Yeah, I apologize. Sorry, I'm supposed to be in court right now and my ADA is needing me….but you don't need to know that. Ah…there…and….I'm done."

**Elliot clicks the last buttons and places the phone in his pocket. **

Elliot: "Here. I'm here. Let's do what ever we gotta do to ….do this."

If Elliot hadn't been such a wonderful husband 98 percent of the time I might have been worried by the way he was treating this doctors visit, instead of worry, I was infuriated. Go figure, he was acting like a dick. Pun intended! He squeezed my knee and smiled at Dr. Cox, who was already smiling back. Because….well, that's what Dr. Cox did. Cheese!

Dr. Cox: "That's quite alright. I'm not the one offended."

Again he smiled. I was beginning to think that his general peachy keen reaction was actually sarcasm. I think I might like this guy after all.

Dr. Cox: "Mr. Elliot, how often do you work?"

Elliot: "A lot, but I've cut back since Olivia got the women's help facility started. Listen, I know work is an issue with stress and stress doesn't a baby make. But I find time for the necessities of baby making, if that's what you're getting at."

Dr. Cox: "Well, that was a point I was going to throw out, but how often would you say the stress of work is brought into the bedroom?"

Elliot: "Ahhh…stress of work? I deal with rape victims and child molesters all day, you do the math. Look, Liv and I have an understanding. She gets the stress, so it doesn't stress her out. We're not stressed. Now if you're talking about other things, I can still get it up if that's what you mean?"

Dr. Cox: (gives a jolly laugh) Good to hear. Not what I meant, but good to know. Elliot, have you ever had sex counseling?"

Elliot: "Huh?"

The look on his face was priceless. I had to mentally laugh. Can we do a retake on that reaction?

Dr. Cox: "Have you ever had sex counseling?"

Elliot: "Huh?"

**Rewind**

Dr. Cox: "sex counseling?"

Elliot: "Huh?"

**Rewind**

Dr. Cox: "sex?"

**Elliot's eye pop. His bottom lip falls into a limp mess of shock.**

**Slow motion**

Elliot: "HHHhhhhhhhUUUuuuuuHHhhhhhh?"

**Back to the scene**

LOL! I'll relish in that face of dumbfounded, ego-breaking reaction for a long while. Sigh, moving on.

Dr. Cox: " You both seem so …wrapped up in agendas. Olivia just started a new job, she'll be a first time mom, you're starting a new family, and let's face it, the spring chicken has flown the coop. It's not unheard of to be frustrated sexually in these situations."

His all-knowing doctor eyes took a glimpse of my nervous finger twirling and I practically jammed my hand under my knee. It was the only bad habit I refused to let go of. I tended to indulge in the comfort of my frustrated twirl…yet; nobody had ever told me it was a sexually frustrated twirl. Was I sexually frustrated? Was he? I looked over at Elliot who leaned over real close to my face as he searched his pocket for a toothpick. I could tell he was being forced out of his comfort zone by the crease between his eyes. The thin stick of wood came to the tip of his mouth. Between the teeth, cutting the saliva, resting on the tongue. He gave me that gruff brow lift of his and sucked on the wood like a binky.

Elliot: "I'm not sexually frustrated."

Dr. Cox: "Even if you didn't feel that you were frustrated, sometimes exploring sex in a relaxed state can be helpful for conception. I know a wonderful sex counselor-"

Elliot: "Naw! Doc, se..x- THAT- we can do. We're good at 'that', right Hun?"

As he answered he slapped my thigh and then lifted the vibrating phone back out of his pocket. Again the mobile workstation had interfered with my needs…our needs.

Elliot: "If that's her issue…sex- 'that', I mean. I guess, we could try it, but she's pretty great in bed. I don't think that's why she's not making the baby."

My eyes fell out of their sockets and did a summer-salt onto the floor. Dr. Cox was equally at a loss of facial expressions. When the silence brought more silence, Elliot looked up from his phone.

Elliot: "Did I say something?"

Dr. Cox: "Well, when I made the suggestion I was really thinking that this was a team effort. Olivia is not the only...how would you say it- Culprit. Did I make a funny?"

No. We both gave him the annoyed eye.

Dr. Cox: "Anyway. As I was saying, counseling would be for both of you, Mr. Elliot."

Elliot: "No. We don't need that. Counseling for--Sex- 'THAT' kind of counseling…that just seems like something I would have done with my ex-wife, not…Olivia…my… non-ex-wife...Olivia, my wife…my wife now, in the flesh- future- present- wife."

Yeah, keep digging out of that one, Stabler. At least, I know he's satisfied. I'll allow him to continue.

Elliot: "Liv and I are good at the…sex…'that', Dr. Cock—COX…cocks? Cock…Dr. Cox. (Pause) Hell, Liv's perfect. A goddess of the sheets. Touching…communication- boobs….the whole thing. We have toys, vibrating ones, and all that. Orgasms are always…I give'm to her. I thought I did…do…anyway. No complaints. Right, Liv? Right?"

I couldn't speak let alone answer him. He'd been in and out of the conversation from the moment we walked into the office and now his only contribution to the meeting was tactless, yet highly detailed, information about our sex lives. I think I just saw the rubber ducky hide his face in shame for me. I shook my head in embarrassed disappointment as he fumbled his way around Dr. Cox's suggestion. His phone vibrated a fourth time and I had to leave the room before I lost my cool_** and**_ my sex tape in front of Buddha's younger Caucasian brother.

I headed for the door.

Olivia: "Doctor.….thank you…you've been great. I need air."

Elliot: "Liv?"

I closed the office door behind me and scurried for the quickest way out. Elliot was soon to follow.

Elliot: "Olivia, wait! I know, I'm an idiot! Stop!"

Olivia: "Don't!"

Elliot: "Olivia, I was paying attention."

Olivia: "Elliot, do not even talk to me right now."

Elliot: "Liv, it came out all wrong!"

Olivia: "Maybe if you were listening to anything being said, I could have handled the foot eating being made, but I can't seem to get you to realize how disgusted I am that I can't conceive and you're treating this like a night at the opera."

Elliot: "God, you will not let that night go, will you?"

Olivia: "You were snoring!"

Elliot: "I was tired! Beside the point! I was listening! Back there- and at the Opera. And I do realize your turmoil. He wasn't saying anything I haven't already told you-"

Olivia "I swear to god, Elliot Stabler, if you say I told you so, I will hit you with that phone."

Elliot: "Liv, we just need time and patience. Will you hold up just a second?"

As we reached the elevators I had to withhold myself from causing a scene, but I would not give his behavior acknowledgement. In a mad rush I slammed my hand in the closing doors and pushed my way into the crowed elevator.

Olivia: "It doesn't matter if you knew what he was going to say. I needed you to be there for me and instead you tinkered with e-mails and …MY Knee! I can't believe what you just did in there!"

Elliot: " Sweetheart, I- okay- it was bad of me to bring work to the meeting, but I had to e-mail Casey about being late to court."

Olivia: "Why didn't you do that last night?"

Elliot: "I…I forgot. It was late after the game."

Olivia: "I feel like you're not taking this as seriously as I am. Do you want a baby?"

Elliot: "Yes. YES! Come on now, I want to give you a baby more than anything in the world, but going to the doctors every month isn't going to make you pregnant."

The elevator doors closed and our heated argument fell to a whisper amongst the presence of confined elevator strangers.

Olivia: "Can you hit one please?"

Several people were having their own conversations and the woman in front of the buttons looked back at me as the doors sealed shut. "Oh, this elevator is going up."

Our elevator car started to go up and I seethed with annoyance.

Olivia: "Great!"

Elliot: "We both need to relax. He said that. I heard that! Look at you- us! This is not relaxed."

The numbers increased as Elliot fought to win my affections over and around the innocent bystanders who were unfortunately now a part of our conversation, whether they wanted it or not.

Elliot: "Liv, look at me. If you think the sex –the councilor thing will help us with this—we can try it, but the whole thing sounds like a waste of money."

Olivia: "Elliot!"

Elliot "I'm just saying I don't think that's our problem."

He went to touch me and I pushed him away.

Olivia: "The last time we had sex just to have sex was months ago."

Elliot: "Hello- TMI! Public place. And that's not true!"

Olivia: "God, I can't even remember the last time we had sex for fun. You used to surprise me. Now I can't even do it without the pressure of you lingering over my uterus for an hour!"

**Elliot catches the eyes of the other people surrounding him and turns a bright shade of red. **

Elliot: "Okay! That's pretty graphic!"

Olivia: "Not as graphic as the pressure you've been adding to the situation. 'Do you think it worked?', 'How about now?', 'I'm gonna make you a mama! Mama!"

Elliot: "Jesus! Olivia! Elevator." He looked at the man next to him. "Hi."

Public or not all I could see was the disappointment in his face every time that pink line appeared on the pee stick. Negative. I closed my eyes and took in a six count of air. He pushed his way over to my side of the elevator and touched my arm.

Elliot: "I just wanted you to know how excited I am. That's the only reason why I brought up the baby idea when we were…you know," he whispered.

Olivia: "Elliot, I know how excited you are. You don't have to bone me in the belly to show me that!"

Elliot: "I've… (mumbled) never boned you in the belly!"

Olivia: "You have! And quiet frankly, its' cuteness factor has worn off. Just once I'd like our sex to be spontaneous and unpredictable again."

The elevator stopped and all went silent. The people, who had been talking before we entered the elevator, were now awkwardly standing at attention. Every eye was glued to the floor. Several men in white hospital coats cleared their throats and pushed through us to exit the car. Elliot dodged his head around them trying to hold my attention.

Elliot: "Liv, I love you. If you want spontaneity then you got it. I'll ravish you. I'll pull your hair. Hell, I'll do you right here!"

The woman standing next to the buttons whipped her head around and gasped. The last three people standing around us fidgeted. You could tell that they had wanted to get out of our way, but Elliot had blocked their path to the now closing door and it was to late. One of the men next to me coughed and Elliot gave him the evil eye.

Elliot: "What you never had a fight in an elevator before? Come on, added effect people, give me a break."

When nobody answered him he turned his back on the small crowd and rubbed the center of his forehead. In the eye of the storm one always searches for their comfort zone. Elliot fell into his. One step and he'd found that place beside me. As he looked down at our feet, he matched his up with mine and slowly lifted his face to the metal elevator doors. I gave him a quick glare but he ignored me. He just put himself in that place. He did it on purpose. He meticulously placed himself an inch from my side. The place of near touching. I don't know why our passion always seemed to stem from a disagreement and titillating non-touching, but it did. And more often than not it ended with a silent understanding and the place of non-touching.

There we stood shoulder to shoulder. I remember a time when he was oblivious to the tingling I got when he absently nestled next to my arm. And that was the ticket right there. This stance. This position. It was our first position. We held this kind of tingle near and dear to our hearts. It was our one lovesick memory. And sick it was. We even had an anniversary for it. October 20, 1999. The day of mistaken arm touching. Oh, how I missed those days. The days when Elliot would have taken my tingling for a caffeine high. The days when all he had to do was brush up against me and I had to take a cold shower to ease the pain. Now that he knew better, he used the stance against me. But I have to admit we were good at this position. Near touching. That non-touch was an electricity, an energy that holds auras and grabs at the inner part of your gut. His hand brushed up against mine and I instantly warmed up to his subtle flirtation. Am I actually allowing him to get away with this?

**Elliot moves a half an inch closer to her and she brushes his hand with her fingertips.**

I am. The suit coat he wore pressed against my arm and I could tell by the way he remained silent that he knew I had given in. My sideways glance to his smirk sent my thoughts all a flutter. I did my best to concentrate on anything but him. I would not let him win on a non-touch.

My eyes fell to the woman by the buttons. "The Button Presser." She caught me starring, and her focus spastically moved around the 4x6 elevator. She impatiently waited for the doors to open again, so she could escape the wrath of our sexual frustration. Don't worry honey, if it were up to me you'd be gone by now. My fingers started to twirl again as I watched the woman move her eyes from the buttons to the numbers to the emergency fire button, and then back to the lit numbers. She started to remind me of one of those cat clocks with the big ticking eyes. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

My thumb picked at the nail beside it with the same rhythm.

Twirl and pick, twirl and pick, twirl and pick.

This invasive elevator ride suddenly became an orchestra of tiny sounds harmoniously exaggerated.

The man behind me popped a cough drop into his mouth.

Cough, suck, and click, Cough, such and click, and suck, twirl and pick, back and forth.

Up we went higher and higher. With the suck and click, twirl and pick, back and forth.

Elliot played with the coins in his pant pockets.

Clinck, suck, twirl, tick, clinck. The numbers were reaching their destinations and my insides were pulsating with relentless anticipation.

Pick, suck, Clinck, fidget, rustle, back, and forth-----AHHHHHHHHH! If you could hear my silent thoughts…. If ANYBODY could hear my thoughts of explosive need—

**DING**

FINALLY!

"Button Presser" squeezed through the half opened doors and the rest of the joy riders pushed around us. We held our positions. Arm and arm. Hand just close enough to be held. Feet shoulder width apart. The frisk was on. As the heel of cough drop man peeled itself from the elevator floor, Elliot pulled me into him and smothered my urge with kissing and grabbing. Touching and pushing. We didn't even wait for the doors to close. I had him by the chest, by the face, okay- fine- BY THE BALLS, as we wrestled each other right there in the hospital elevator.

Elliot: "God, you're amazing. If you don't twirl those frustrated fingers around me right now I'm going to burst."

Olivia: "You promise!"

He couldn't answer. Before I could register what was happening he pulled the emergency stop button and finished our dirty thoughts. Thank god, there were no cameras. Trust me, I looked.

And that's how the rest of the week went. As the workday dragged on we playfully found ways to council ourselves into sex. Elliot found himself fingering through my case files at the women's shelter, and I found myself under his desk….over his desk…on top of the desk…I liked me a desk!

**Todd Rundgren starts playing in the background as we find Elliot and Olivia in all kinds of compromising positions.**

_I don't want to work_

_I want to bang on the drum all day_

_I don't want to play_

_I just want to bang on the drum all day_

**Close up of Elliot's ass as he presses himself into Olivia on Munch's desk.**

Olivia: "You sure we're alone?"

Elliot: "Positive."

Olivia: "And Munch?"

Elliot: "OH my god! Don't you ever say that name when my pants are down again!"

I scrunched my face and laughed. Before he could take me any further I pushed him off of me and threw him into his swivel chair. There was nothing more satisfying than being on top, while he swiveled beneath me in the middle of the 16th Precinct.

**Elliot's chair swivels into Munch's desk and several files and a stapler fall through the crack of the desks.**

_Ever since I was a tiny boy_

_I don't want no candy_

_I don't need no toy_

_I took a stick and an old coffee can_

_I bang on that thing til I got_

_Blisters on my hand because_

**Elliot drops his briefcase as he enters his kitchen and finds Olivia making coffee in his button down work shirt and a pair of lacy underwear**.

Olivia: "The kids are at school and I thought you needed a coffee break."

Elliot: (gulp) "How'd you know Fin burnt the coffee again?"

Olivia: "I got that closeness with you that nobody understands."

I loved when his jaw dropped like that.

_I don't want to work_

_I want to bang on the drum all day_

**Elliot unbuttons his shirt and heads straight for Olivia's neck. The coffee mug slips out of her hand and breaks on the floor. They don't take notice of it, though. Elliot lifts her bare feet from the ground and continues to kiss her neck and collarbone. The coffee is left to steam in the aftermath of Olivia's moan.**

_I don't want to play_

_I just want to bang on the drum all day_

_When I get older they think I'm a fool_

_The teacher told me I should stay after school_

_She caught me pounding on the desk with my hands_

_But my licks was so hot_

_I made the teacher wanna dance_

**Olivia sits at her desk in the Women's Manhattan Help Facility. **

Olivia: "You want detention, Elliot Stabler? I've got the classroom all to myself. You have ten minutes to get you're ass-"

**Elliot pushed open the classroom door. Olivia stood up from her desk. She was in a tight sweater and a pencil skirt. She removed her reading glasses in surprise.**

Olivia: "That was fast."

Elliot: "I saw you in that skirt this morning and I've been thinking about you all day."

That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Who'd a thought pencil skirts would make such a come back.

**The classroom was meant for teaching women on the streets how to better themselves in society. It was adorned with all the necessities to cook a meal, raise a family, listen to problems, and get a job. In the middle of the half diapered baby dolls and mushy beanbag chairs, Elliot and Olivia rolled around like kids in a flower patch.**

_And thats why_

_I don't want to work_

_I want to bang on the drum all day_

Olivia: "Mmm, kiss me there again."

Elliot: "Here?"

**Elliot nuzzled her breast and she lifted the length of her skirt over his bulge. When all of the rapid grinding and groaning climaxed to orgasmic volumes, they lay breathless amongst the rubbery babies. Elliot pulled a plastic doll out from under his back and made a funny baby voice as the smashed head grew back to its' normal shape.**

**Elliot: "Mwweee my head! I've been smooshed!"**

**Olivia let out one of her contagious laughs and Elliot threw the baby doll in a rush to capture the scrunch of her nose. He leaned over her and smiled. **

Elliot: "Do that again."

Olivia: "What? Laugh?"

Elliot: "Yeah."

**She laughed at his hormonal excitement over such a thing as her laughter and before she could come up for air he was ready for a second go.**

_I don't want to play_

_I just want to bang on the drum all day_

_Listen to this_

_Every day when I get home from work_

_I feel so frustrated_

_The boss is a jerk_

_And I get my sticks and go out to the shed_

_And I pound on that drum like it was the boss' head_

**Cragen's potted plant hits the floor in the middle of their partially clothed after-hours romp.**

Olivia: "oops!"

Elliot: "Fuck it, he owes me!"

**They go back to dangerously passionate lovemaking**.

**Flash to squad car. All we can see are Olivia's spread-eagled legs and Elliot's bobbing head.**

Cragen's voice on the portable: "Stabler, we need you to pull a double z."

**They both freeze and Elliot shrugs his bare shoulder.**

Elliot: "Fuck it, he can wait."

Olivia: "A double Z?"

Elliot: "Twizzler run."

Olivia: "Right."

**They give each other a look and then continue like they'd never been interrupted.**

Cragen's voice on the portable: "Do you copy? Stabler? Elliot…"

_I don't want to work_

_I want to bang on the drum all day_

**Benson/Stabler bedroom. Elliot is on top of Olivia giving it to her like he's running a race. His pants are around his ankles and he's still wearing his leather jacket, like he's just stopped in to screw and leave. **

Cragen on Elliot's answering machine: "Elliot…Liv, you home? Elliot, I need that file from forensics. Where are you?"

**Olivia pulls the file from under her bottom and wraps her arms around his neck. She releases the file as he continues to ravish her. **

Olivia: "Fuck it. Now he owes me."

**The pages of the file fall all over the floor behind them.**

_I don't want to play_

Munch in the background: "Has anybody seen my stapler?"

_I just want to bang on the drum all day_

**Fade out to Elliot and Olivia sleeping in their bed. Both of them lay blissfully in a mess of sheets and arms craddling.**

**AN: I have a whole new respect for the "Bang on the Drum" song now. Mmmmm EOO! I told you I could turn any song into EO. It's disgusting really. Drop me some lines.  
**


	3. Perfect

AN: Ding Dong the Strike is dead...tentatively. I'm just glad to know that SVU will hopefully be back on and the Oscars will commence. The year just isn't right without an Oscar party. I have the best Oscar parties. Whoot whoot. and Oscar has scar in it, so it's an extra special night! Bonuz yippie!

Thanks for all the coolness reviews.

Mrslee, as aways you're reviews are extra special. And I can't do anything about EO sugar plums dancing through your head, but hopefully a few lines in this chapter will make you giggle and ----ah I don't know- take some nyQuil...but not too much, cause that crazy rapper just over dosed on it. DAMN- How dumb do you have to be to over dose on cough medicine? Holy cats, that's gotta be bad for your reputation. You're so cool, you had to get high on...cough syrup? craziness!

peace Out!

**Perfect **

9am and the courthouse was all a buzz. I stood in the marble hallway adorning a dark brown trench coat, a cheap mousy blonde wig, and the biggest set of Carol Channing sunglasses I could find. It's amazing to me what kind of crap you can buy with twenty bucks from the shady looking man on the street corner. I just needed to be invisible for ten minutes, while I waited for Casey to go on a recess. It's too damn bad I had to pee five blocks and twenty minutes ago. OOOOuuuLLLLL! If those doors don't open in thirty seconds I'm going to pee without her!

A CVS bag swung around my wrist as I jiggled and paced in my corner of the hallway. The light, almost hollow box from within it bounced off of my thigh and I walked past the courtroom doors for a fifth time. The hallway was quiet and empty---thank god-- and I leaned against the doors to get a feel for what was going on inside. Judge Donnelly was making a final argument and-Smack-the gavel sounded. Serenity now! I backed away as people trickled out of the courtroom. Elliot was one of them. He walked right by me. He didn't look me over once. Good boy. Glad to see he was finally over his thing for blondes. That or this wig was exceptionally ugly. Meh, either way, he was thwarted. As he passed me he spoke to the parents of the young woman he was testifying for.

Elliot: Mr. Gelman, you gotta trust Casey, she knows what she's doing. I know it looks bad now, but we still have three more witnesses and the blood spatter report. Stay patient.

Once he and the Gelman's walked just out of sight, I stepped into the crowd. Casey stomped towards me, cell phone to her ear.

Casey: Munch, I need you to double check the evidence CSU found again. Make sure they didn't find any cat hairs and if they didn't, have them look for cat hairs.

Olivia: Pst! Casey.

She was making her way to Elliot's threesome and I had to get her attention before we got too close. I stood inches behind Elliot waving silently in Casey's direction. She was oblivious. Elliot stopped in mid conversation and I swear he took in a whiff of air. My perfume must have wafted up as I flailed about. Damn it, Casey! Look at me! I tilted the sunglasses away from my eyes and zoned in on her with a cold hard stare. Still she avoided me. In fact, I think she may have purposely avoided me. Maybe the wig was much worse than I thought.

Elliot turned to look my way and I ducked behind a tall man standing next to me.

Man: Huh?

Olivia: 'scuse me. Sorry.

After a brief fondling of some random man, no doubt a criminal or the relative of some criminal (great I just fondled a potential criminal)- Ahem, yeah, after that mishap, my three-inch heels parked themselves behind a giant pillar. I took in a deep breath and peeked out at Casey. She was still yammering on her cell. This was becoming ridiculous. Between the smell of my Chanel No. 5 giving me away and my bladder in dire need to explode I was beginning to form fantastic reasons for why I could have killed Casey…wait a second…that sounds all too familiar….killed Ca….Ka…Ack- Anyway, back to the matter at hand!

I clenched my legs and quickly moved behind Casey. My head was ever to slightly turned away from Elliot and I tapped her shoulder before ducking next to the wall just shy of Elliot's view.

Casey: No, not hat!

Olivia: (sneeze, cough, whisper) Novak!

Casey: Cat! Like C-A-T. Cat.

Olivia: Yoooo Hooo!

Casey glanced at me and then continued to turn around with her finger in her open ear. My disguise was too good.

Casey: The guy was crawling with- OUCH!

I threw a black pump at her thick middle section.

**Olivia subtly waves. Casey picks up the shoe with disdain and gives Olivia and her Blonde guise a double take. The light bulb clicks on.**

Casey: Olivia?

Olivia: (whisper) Come here.

**Olivia waves the CVS bag in the air and dances next to the wall as she points toward the restroom.**

Casey: Oh! OH! Yeah! I forgot! Let's go. GO!

**Casey clicks her phone closed without saying goodbye, ducks away from Elliot's furrowed glance, and runs in a clumpy mess out of sight. The two women round the corner and enter the public restroom. Casey is giggling like a young girl.**

Casey: AH! I'm so excited! Liv, you're gonna be a mommy!

Olivia: What did I say, Casey?

Casey: Oop! Right. No squealing. Tentative excitement.

**Olivia checks the stalls to make sure that the bathroom is empty and then rips open the pregnancy test box. She dances and breaths frantically as she holds her very full bladder and grunts with each layer of packaging. **

Olivia: OOOoooooowww- who designed this thing?!

Casey: Let me, let me. You, hold yourself.

**Casey grabs the pregnancy test and begins to de-wrap the plastic away from the pee stick. Olivia jiggles her leg uncontrollably as she watches Casey.**

Casey: Liv, I can't believe you're allowing me to be the first to know this. I feel special.

Olivia: (Seething through painful bladder control) You are.

Casey: This is the first time I've ever unwrapped one of these things and wanted to see the plus sign. The plus sign, Liv! (squeal) Eeeeeee!

Olivia: Casey!

Casey: Right. (Monotone- opposite of squeal) E-E-E-E-E-E-E.

**As Casey finishes unwrapping the stick, Olivia has already entered a stall and stands hunched over the toilet with her skirt above her hips and her panty hoes around her ankles. The bad wig hair falls around her face and she blows at it to keep it away from her mouth. She holds the side of the stall and waits for Casey to hand her the test.**

Olivia: wooo! Woooo! OH-

Casey: Oh! Here!

**Casey hands the test over the top of the stall and a blonde wig is tossed back at her in perfect timing. The wig now falls on Casey's face and sticks to her open mouth.**

Casey: Oomp! Mmm. Thank you. Plastic hair.

**Casey hugs the stall door and listens to the sound of pregnancy test taking.**

Olivia: Aeeeehhhhh. God, I've been holding that all the way from the subway. Case, I love you, but you gotta take two steps back, your feet are way too close to my face.

Casey: Sorry.

**Casey moves away from the door and plays with the wig.**

Casey: You look good as a blonde. Have you ever thought about-

Olivia: NO!

**Casey takes the shoulder length blonde mousy straight hair and puts it on her head.**

Casey: Okay. No blonde for you. You know, I had a good time being blonde, you shouldn't dog it before you-hmmmmm-

Olivia: What? Before I what?

**Casey futzes with the wig on her head in the mirror.**

Casey: Mmmm, well….this hair reminds me of –

**FLUSH**

**Olivia opens the door holding the stick away from her eyesight.**

Olivia: Please don't say her name in the presence of my HGC levels. I swear to you it was the only color he had.

**Casey pulls the wig from her head and turns.**

Casey: I didn't say a word.

Olivia: No, but you thought it.

Casey: Damn! You don't even know what I was going to say. I could have said a million things. Helen Hunt. Nicole Kidman. Shelly Long. The woman at the Italian Restaurant. Holly Hunt. Lot of blonde Hunts.

Olivia: Casey, focus.

Casey: Jodi Foster

**Olivia gives her the look.**

Casey: You're right. (Pause) Sandy.

Olivia: The dog?

Casey: No, Olivia Newton John.

Olivia: Right. Wrong musical.

**The women start to hunch over the stick to watch it transform and stop themselves one more time.**

Casey: Dog. I think Annie's dog had better hair than that wig.

Olivia: Especially, now. I mean, with Daddy Warbucks and all- Okay, enough, we're stalling. Why are we stalling?

Casey: Because we in a bathroom- Bahhahaha- get it? Hm.. yeah, that was bad. Liv, we're stalling because you should really give it three full minutes before you look at it and it's only been one.

**Olivia glances at the stick in her hand and then nods in agreement.**

Olivia: Yeah.

I placed the stick on the sink and took a step back from it. I couldn't watch the urine fade into pink lines or line. It was better to pretend that I was pregnant for as long as I could.

Casey: So Elliot told you to do this alone?

Olivia: He gave me the option. I couldn't stand to see his face grow all sad again if….

Casey: Yeah. Well, I'm glad you called me at least. I'll do my best to keep my face away from the sad category….you know, even if it turns out positive. …Wasn't really one for babies anyway. I can't handle all the smells and the leakage.

Casey looked down at her watch when she realized she was rambling on and on in a nervous state. I should have done this alone, but the longer I looked at that box the more I couldn't go through with it. I figured Casey could be a rock or at least a laugh in this situation. I think I may have just freaked her out instead, though. After a moment of silence Casey looked up from her watch and winked at me.

Casey: Two minutes.

Olivia: It's been three months, Case. I haven't taken this test in three months.

Casey: Do you feel anything…kicking, bloated, different?

Olivia: Well I'm late, and my breasts are killing me.

Casey: That's good!!!!!

**Casey smiles and almost squeals. Olivia places her hand on Casey's lips**.

**Casey wipes on a serious face, chucks the blonde wig in the CVS bag, and leans on the radiator.**

Casey: Where the hell did you get that thing anyway?

Olivia: The wig? Junkman down the street.

Casey: It's hideous. Who has un-layered shoulder length hair anyway?

Olivia: People who don't live in New York.

Casey: And house wives.

We both thought 'it' and laughed.

Olivia: You're killing my Karma, Casey Novak.

Casey: Good, then you'll have something to blame the pink line on if it's not…Ah- I'm not gonna say it. Cause you're gonna be a mamma regardless.

Olivia: Not really…

Casey: That doesn't sound like the Olivia Benson I know. Where's your faith in procreation, Liv!

Olivia: It's on vacation with the rest of my heathen vagina.

Casey: Come on now, you're being too hard on yourself. It'll happen.

Olivia: What if it doesn't?

Casey: You'll have to find other ways.

Olivia: Elliot, doesn't believe in other ways. He said he'd do it fro me, but I feel so…needy or forced….selfish, you know, asking him, our family, to go through something like in vitro or fertility.

Casey: Why?

Olivia: Because this stuff should just happen. It's a matter of having a child and forcing a child. Shouldn't a child be a gift? Gifts are so much better when they're unexpected. The whole in vitro thing…just seems so…pre-packaged

Casey: So adopt.

Olivia: Yeah, I want to…

Casey: I know, it's not the same. You don't get to gain fifty pounds or get swollen feet. Nor do you get to vomit or go hormonal or even, god forbid push human life out of the fruit of your loom. Not to mention the hemorrhoids, and the uncontrollable bowl movements before, during, and after labor. The kicking, the stretch marks, the pain in your lower back, the constant leaking of the breast milk, and supposedly you'll also achieve chronic gas. But geez, that's really only the half of it.

Olivia: Okay, you've made you're point.

Casey: You don't need to bear a child to have a child. But I do think that your "element of surprise" is a little conservative liberal for me to handle. Who cares if you have to plan a few things, this is what you want right? So just do it. There's no shame in asking for help.

Olivia: I know, but it drives me crazy that getting pregnant happens all the time to people like…women like….well, women- hell teenagers even-everyday…they're pushing out kids left and right, why does the miracle stop with me?

Casey: Oh, I see why you're hung up. This isn't about in vitro. It's about fertile myrtle the belated ex.

Olivia: No.

Casey: Yes.

Olivia: Maybe…a bit. But I hate that I even thought it.

Casey: Liv, you're human. It's fine to think it. You're not a bad person.

Olivia: I know, but sometimes I think that maybe the reason I can't have children is because I cursed myself. I got to have everything that Kathy didn't get to have. Education, Career, Elliot's understanding, an apartment in Manhattan-

Casey: Fashion sense.

Olivia: Case-

Casey: What you totally offended her intelligence with the 'educated' part. Love that coat by the way. (points to Olivia's trench coat)

Olivia: Macy's.

Casey: Nice.

Olivia: Anyway, I feel like maybe god is punishing me for stealing her husband.

Casey: You didn't steal her husband, and you didn't put that gun in her hand, AND- I don't care what that jury's verdict was, you did not kill her. She chose to be there, she chose to shoot at you first, it was self-defense. That's what you're problem is?

Olivia: What?

Casey: You still feel guilty for a crime you didn't commit. Liv, you have to let it go.

Olivia: I have…I did…I thought I did.

Casey: You will. But I will say, that no matter what Kathy had there is one thing she will never have on you.

Olivia: What's that?

Casey: Girl you are hot. My god, you're shoes kick so much ass. I'm stealing your wardrobe. And you're hair stylist. Can I get his number too? I'm surprised Elliot didn't look you over in the hallway. And I would die to

As Casey rambled on I couldn't help but think that maybe there was a little truth to her earlier statement. Maybe I wasn't guilt free of the murder of Kathy Stabler. It's hard to forget a woman that changed your life in so many ways. I still see her screaming face in my nightmares and her doe-like eyes in the faces of her children. No matter how many times I repent, I will still feel as though her faults were….well, mine.

Casey looked at her watch again.

Casey: Three minutes.

We both sat in the stillness of the echoy bathroom in a deep pause.

Casey: You want me to…?

I couldn't look.

Olivia: Casey, I'm not a bad person for wanting Elliot's child right?

Casey rubbed my back and let that deep laugh of hers fill my ears.

Casey: No, sweetheart, you have the cleanest soul I've ever come across. You deserve to have twenty of Elliot's babies.

Olivia: I'll suffice with one.

Casey: Great, you gonna look already, or should I?

Olivia: You do it. Just don't give me a sad face.

**Casey lets out a long gust of air. Slowly she lifts the stick from the sink and takes it in. Her back is to Olivia, who is wringing her hands and pacing.**

Casey: It's…it issss…

**She turns with a huge smile on her face.**

Casey: Not a baby!

**Her smile is forced with concern. And then it fades along with Olivia.**

Casey: You didn't want a sad face.

Olivia: Yep, it' okay.

I stood there in my five hundred dollar trench coat and my fashionable Ralph Lauren pumps and all I could think about was trading it all in for poker straight hair, a pair of payless sneakers, and a swollen belly to match. My New York City, career girl hair fell in a matted heap over my eyes as I dropped my head. Casey grabbed my hand for support.

Casey: Liv…Sorry, gosh, Oliv….it'll be okay…

She pulled me into a full hug. The pee stick waved behind my head. I let out a few tears and Casey chucked the plastic stick into the toilet behind us.

Casey: Maybe it's too early. We can try tomorrow.

Olivia: Ah…It's okay. Don't feel bad…it's just the way things are.

Casey: I know.

Olivia: (pause) It felt right, Case.

Casey: It never happens when the timing is right darling you know that.

Olivia: No, not the timing. Just…everything felt so right. Elliot and I have never been this…relaxed. It was right.

**Casey wipes the tears from Olivia's cheeks with a square of toilet paper and grabs the wig from the CVS bag.**

Casey: It will be right, Liv.

**Olivia backs away from Casey and puts on her tough girl face. She takes the wig from Casey's hand and fixes it onto her head.**

Casey: Good news is, we can get a drink at the bar now. And maybe burn that wig in the alley. Ow, I got a license to burn.

**Casey pulls out her wallet and flips it open to show Olivia a piece of official looking fire card. Olivia shrugs it away and pulls the sunglasses from her pocket.**

Olivia: Casey, I don't even want to know what that means.

Casey: I'm dating this hunky fireman; he got me this license so that I can start a compost pile in my community garden. I just like that it says that I am 'officially licensed to burn' on it. How cool is that?

I tried to smile. Wait.

Olivia: Wait, I thought you and Munch were…

Casey: AH-…well, I'm creating tension.

Olivia: Why are you doing that to him?

Casey: Hey- he started it. _**He**_ dumped _**me**_.

Olivia: What do you mean he dumped you?

Casey: He told me that he needed some space. Things were going to fast or something. So I told him that I couldn't wait around for him to figure it out, which is true, hello, I'm going on thirty-five. Honestly, I think he just needs a good kick in the pants. This fireman will do just the trick if all goes according to plan.

I fixed the last bobby pin into the wig and placed the sunglasses over my red eyes.

Olivia: Sounds good, Case. Whatever…makes you happy. I'm gonna go. I have to get back to class.

Casey: Yeah…I got that court thing…soon…Liv?

**Olivia, who was on her way out of the restroom, stopped by the door and turned to face Casey.**

Casey: I was wrong about you in that wig. Jane Mansfield.

Olivia touches the hair and partially smiles.

Olivia: Really?

Casey: Well, if Jane had made it to the sixties, but yeah, definitely, Jane Mansfield.

I took a look in the mirror and then pushed myself out of the restroom. I couldn't fault myself for being Jane Mansfield. She was beautiful, and had plenty of children, and a career. She died young…but that was a technicality. If Jane could do it, so could I. I came towards the crowded hallway again. Elliot stood alone in the spot that he and I grew quiet familiar with while waiting for the hearing to commence. This time I didn't dodge his glance…I held it. He ignored me at first, but as I grew closer to him he grew a faint smile and I whispered into his ear.

Olivia: (Jane Mansfield Quote) A forty-one inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee-a lot more. But most girls don't know what to do with what they've got.

I then kissed him for good measure and the rest…well, I had to try one more time…

Elliot: Donnelly's office is empty. She went to Penara for lunch.

Olivia: Perfect.

AN: No song this chappy. Wasn't feeling it. But hey- Jane Mansfield - can't complain about that. Drop me some lines babies. Eo babies. mmmmm EO babies. I make it sound like dinner.


	4. New Soul

**AN: OH MY GOD- This update took me Forever! I had a serious case of "Not in the mood". I'm like never not in the mood to write, but it happened. My brain is fried. Like serious brain damage. Has anyone ever seen that movie? "Brain damage". I haven't, but there is a really funny promovideo of it on Youtube and it looks like it would be fun movie to watch if you liked laughing at bad horror movies. Sorry, this is by far the craziest AN, yet. So OT! **

** Anyway, Jenne- I need that frigg'n cookie, but something tells me that was more of a threat then a promise. Tell Greg he kicks arse! **

**Mrslee- where are you woman? You are MIA! Hello, I've been waiting for Senses. I don't believe you. You're not gonna update that shit. Pash!**

**Okay, so this is my crazy update. This sequel is becoming harder and harder to make funny. The subject matter is so serious. But there's a crazy little Asian woman in it. I LOVE Crazy old Asian people. They make me laugh and laugh. And that scene is almost word for word what happened to me one time at the post office. YARG. I'm saying too much. Me so sorry. But I will give you a heads up on pronunciation of a name. Remy Special. I have a little girl in one of my theater classes who's name is Special. Yeah, you read that right. It's said like Spe-Shall. ????? Somebody apparently thought this would make their daughter special, but really it just gave the poor girl a bad name. Too bad too, because she's really cute and talented. Oh Spe-shall, we love yeah!**

**Okay read!**

**New Soul **

** Olivia stands in her modern downtown kitchen starring at a pile of brochures and medical paperwork laid out on the island in the center of the room. Its late morning. The sun shines brightly through the windows and a strong smell of burning coffee is coming from a brewing pot in the corner. Her nose is scrunched and she leans over the paper work in deep concentration.**

Tube damage…..or should I say Brain Damage. I stood looking at the medical pamphlets in front of me. They had more fine print then a warrant for the white house. Not to mention the frightening medical terms used to "fix" my situation. I had no idea how intricate pregnancy could actually be. All I wanted was a fair go at motherhood, a simple gift from the powers that be, and what I ended up with was a twisted mess of fallopian tubes. Apparently, mine were a fine mess of bad piping and half finished water slides. The news was more than a let down. Heartache and a pathway of options packaged with complicated words and expensive surgical procedures were what I was left with. Even after I sat in my car thinking and crying for over an hour the idea of having a man, other than Elliot, plant my seed was a bit revolting. Instead of dim lighting, soft stares, and a Hollywood ending, I would be getting Dr. Cox and a drafty hospital gown. It wasn't exactly how I pictured it. Neither were these pamphlets. The families on the front cover looked so unrealistically happy. They held their baby under words like Transvaginal Oocyte Retrieval, embryologist, cleaving, and Ovarian drilling. These weren't the lines I'd hoped to hear while my baby was being created. These words were more like the script to "Nightmare on Elm Street". My option had come down to test tubes, knives, needles, and rubber gloves. It's all so very impersonal. Sigh. Inverto. Even the name…Inverto ….feels sterol…horrific. Why couldn't it sound more romanticized? I think maybe being knocked out and knocked up would have made a better conception story than the one I'm thinking about journeying. And why do these kinds of things only seem to happen to me? I could blame myself for allowing my uterus to become lazy and old, but I'm sure it had everything to do with my bad genes and my mother's drinking problem. That's it, Liv, blame it on that again. It didn't matter how many hours I'd spent in therapy forgiving my parents; their transgressions would always remain a 'nice thought'.

**Flash to Olivia running through a dark incinerator room screaming bloody murder. The word "Inverto" comes into focuses. The letters are in bloody font. A voice over begins. The voice is like that of a good sci-fi promotion.**

Spooky voice over "The haunted nightmare continues and this time Freddie is in the shape of the product of rape."

Duhn Duhn DAHHHHHHHH!

Olivia: "Adoption was sounding better everyday."

**Olivia's eyes cross and she throws the paperwork away from her face. **

Olivia "Oh forget it."

Elliot "Forget what?"

Olivia "Huh-Ha- hi! You…you're home….early. It's not even lunchtime."

Before I could hide the evidence he'd already had it in his hands. The religious opinion formed and answered.

Elliot "Invetro? I thought we agreed we weren't into that."

Olivia "We did. The doctor gave it to me."

He saw it written all over my face like red sharpey marker. A clear view of my feelings.

**Cut to close up of Liv's face ---BAM---a red stamp smashes itself onto her forehead. "DEFECTED"**

Defected. I quickly grabbed the pamphlet from his hands and chucked them back into the garbage.

Olivia "Shouldn't you be arresting somebody?"

Elliot "I took the day off. But…if you want to…I am always down for an arrest."

Olivia "Oh, El, I'm not really in the mood."

Elliot "Yeah…the joke was…bad…timing."

I paused for fear I would cry again. I don't know why I was even trying to hold back the tears. He knew. I knew he knew.

Elliot "I know you didn't want me coming to the appointment, but…Liv-"

Olivia "We're not pregnant."

I couldn't look into his eyes. That didn't stop him from pulling me into his arms. I fell privy to his loving notions, but then pulled away before it got too complicated.

Olivia "I…I had some tests done and basically…I…"

Elliot "Liv, it's okay."

Olivia "I know."

Elliot "Can I hug you?"

It was tempting to allow him to baby me…and sweet of him to ask, but I just needed to be alone.

Olivia "No. I'm fine. You know, it's just not meant to be, and that's fine. There are plenty of children that need adopting. I'm just being selfish for wanting anything else."

Elliot nodded then ignored my wishes. He touched the top of my hand and lightly rubbed my back. It was a slow tactick to help share the pain and pull me into a hug. I saw it as a sign of weakness on my part.

Elliot "You're not selfish for wanting to conceive. We can look at the other options. We don't have to go straight to adoption. "

He reached into the garbage can and pulled the pamphlets back out and I freaked.

Olivia "No! No…that's not an option. We agreed. There are no other options for me Elliot. I just can't have babies. I can't."

I pushed his hand back into the garbage. I couldn't think. I already felt like I'd lost a child this morning when I was told that my maternal signals were just symptoms of bad PMS. Moving onto the next option seemed like ….god I don't even know…morbid.

Olivia "I just need some time."

I walked away from him and grabbed my purse.

Elliot "Where you going?"

Olivia "Out."

Elliot "Oh, okay…"

I stopped by the door. I hated that he was so damned understanding. Damn-it!

Olivia **(weary and on the verge of tears)** "I love you."

Elliot "I love you…."

I closed the door.

Elliot "too."

**SCENE**

**Olivia stands with a gun in her hands. She shoots six bullets straight into the stomach of the paper man. **

I had to go to my comfort zone. The firing range! I hadn't held a gun in years. After my incident with…well, I hadn't been inclined to be around a gun, let alone touch one. Funny how being out of control resorted to me standing in this dingy room, firing bullets from a Caliber handgun. It was 9 milometers of theraputic harmony. Bam, Bam, Bam. Each bullet was like a cheap shot to my shitty predicament. It felt nice. Releasing. I finished shooting the last of my pain away and handed the gun back to the guy behind the front desk. Every time my personal life started to get me down I'd retreat to thoughts of interrogations and car chases. The memory of helping a broken victim made my wound seem like a scratch. Some days I would itch to be back at my old job. Today was turning out to be one of those days. I found myself judging every man in the building.

**A large muscely black man walks by her.**

Gang Banger or Narcotics?

**She watches the man shoot at his target and then she notices his marine tattoo**.

Definitely Narcotics. Sigh. Teaching uneducated women how to live in the world was a powerful job, but it wasn't the same. The only thrill was dodging a nasty comment when the new girls were still feeling rebellious. And even that was typically hum drum and predictable. I paid for my hour and headed for the front door.

Olivia "See you another time, Jim."

The old crusty man who ran the shooting range, Jim, stood behind a glass case chewing tobacco and wiping down guns. The florescent lighting made him look cracked and jaundice. He nodded towards me.

Jim "Yeeep."

That was pretty much the extent of Jim's vocabulary. I liked it.

I headed for the streets. Sigh. I did it again. I sighed. The sun was bright, Manhattan was pleasantly warm, and although I can't bare a child or be a member of the NYPD, I can certainly find my way through the world. All of this drama was the result of whining. There was a point in my life where this kind of behavior would have upset me even further. There was also a point in my life where whining was all I did. So was I moving backwards or was this a happy medium? Backwards was definitely not what I wanted. I'm a progressive woman…no wait, I hate that term…Liberal. I am a liberal woman. Progressive is a fucking political term for people too stupid to look in a dictionary and realize that liberal is actually the same thing. Liberal is poetic and proud. Liberal is what I fight for everyday when I teach and fought for every day that I served and protected. People should be proud of that word and yet they hide it like it's a bad thing. It's a word that represents change and choices. Two things that have become a kind of fear in this strange world. I'm not afraid. And I should be proud. I should be proud to be a woman who has choices. I have so many choices. Invetro wouldn't be that bad. Did I just say that? Inverto. I did. And now I said it again. But I'm right. It's not that bad. I mean, I can have passionate sex with Elliot any day. And adoption- well adoption is one of the best gifts of all.

I can see us now. Me and Elliot walking hand in hand with our Asian, African, Russian, Islamic, Mexican babies. We'd be a melting pot of StablerBenson. And they'd be ours. A child that was ours. That's something we've never had. A child to hold, to care for, to laugh with and cry with. A liberal woman would never let bad fallopian tubes bring her down. Did I just make that realization while shooting a gun? I think I did. That's warped. Gosh, I don't know if it's the fresh air or the gun residue on my hands, but I feel good. New, even. I can do this.

I rounded the corner near Sephora and the M & M store in Times Square to find myself stuck in mass of people. Great. Foot traffic. I finally feel an epiphany coming on and I'm stuck in foot traffic. Which, happens to be the worst kind of traffic in New York. Thousands of young girls and their parents lined the streets holding signs that read "I love you Miley", "Hanna I'm the best of both your worlds!", "You are a Rockstar!" , Etc., Etc., Etc. The screaming was outrageous. I could see the subway entrance, but a hoard of people giggled around me in one giant clump.

Olivia "Excuse me."

A mom to her daughter "Isn't this exciting? She's going to be coming out of that building any second."

Young Girl "Oh, mom, you're the best. I can't wait! I can't wait! I can't wait! Can we get T Shirts at the concert?"

The Mom "Sure. I want the black one that the woman in front of has on."

Young Girl "Me too."

**Olivia stops trying to push through and watches the two in a dream like stare.**

Aw...matching T-shirts. I want a matching T-shirt. I took Bethie to an Alicia Keys concert a few months back, but she didn't want a T-shirt.

**Flashback**

Bethie "Aa- T-shirts aren't my thing."

**Flash to Liv being pushed further and further away from the Subway entrance as she daydreams.**

I got one. My delinquent students think I'm hip when I wear it to class. It's like I automatically score cool points.

"Ms. Benson?"

I should have just taken one of them with me to that concert. I practically had to beg Bethie to go. I think she feels like I'm trying to be her mom, but really I'd love to just be her friend.

"Ms. Benson!"

But what am I gonna do? Elliot says she's just being eighteen and difficult, but I'm pretty sure that my presence isn't exactly one hundred percent welcomed.

"Ms. B!"

Olivia "Huh! Oh- OH! Tamara! Hey!"

**Olivia turns to find one of her students standing next to her in the crowd. Tamara is a tall African American woman in her early twenties. She's dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and a little girl around the age of five stands next to her.**

Tamara "Ms. B, what are you doing here? You going to the Hanna Montana concert?"

Olivia "Hanna Montana? Ah…no. No, I'm…" **She looks around for the subway, which is now behind her. **"I was actually headed home, but I got stuck in this mess. How are you?"

**Tamara smiles and grabs the little girl's hand.**

Tamara "I'm good. This is my daughter, Remy."

**Remy pulls her arm away from Tamara and walks over to the street barricades to look for Miley Cyrus.**

Tamara "Remy! Remy, get over here!"

Remy "No!"

Olivia "She's a feisty one."

Tamar "You're tell'n me. Remy Special, get off of that thing right now, before I take you back home."

Remy "I can't see!"

Tamara "I don't care!"

**Remy sulks back over to her mother and then slowly tries to pull her closer to the street. Tamara fights her the whole time.**

Tamar "Sorry bout that Ms. B."

Olivia "Olivia. We're not in class. You can call me Olivia. So Remy, is this Hanana Montana your favorite?"

**Remy nods, but she still has a sulk on her face.**

Tamara "That's all she talks about. We got the Cd's, the costumes, the movies, everything."

Remy "I can't see! Mooooom!"

Tamara "I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get me some tickets. You supposed to laugh at that girl, cause you know I'm just joking."

**Olivia shakes her head and smiles. **

Olivia "You think I don't watch comedy central? Come on, girl, I'm not that old."

Tamara "Right! Anyway, I just had to get her to this concert. I haven't been able to do anything with her since I got out of jail, you know."

Olivia "Good. This will be nice for the both of you."

Tamara "I mean, I'm not technically allowed to be taking Remy out yet. She's supposed to be with my mamma, but my mamma to sick for something like this, so I figured as long as I got her back by nine what's the harm, right?"

Olivia "Tamara, you shouldn't be doing that."

Tamara "You not gonna turn me in are you?"

**Olivia looked at Remy who was leaning as far from her mother as possible, while still holding her hand and smiling at the building. **

Remy "Mamma! I think that's her! Right there! I saw blonde hair!"

Tamara "Alright baby girl! We're going! Ms. B, you got to promise you won't turn me in. I know you trust me."

Olivia "I'm not gonna turn you in, but you have to promise this is the first and last time."

Tamara "We cool, Ms. B- Opp- I mean, Olivia. First and last. I'll see you on Monday."

Olivia "Tamara, please be careful!"

Tamara "Like a cross. Remy, let's go!"

Olivia "Tamara wait! Call me, if you need anything. Anything! And make sure she's back by nine."

**Tamara grabbed the little girl and headed into the crowd. **

Tamara "No need to worry Ms. B, I got it."

**Olivia watched them leave with a hint of concern.** "Have fun…Nice to meet you…Remy."

**SCENE**

By the time I had gotten home I had almost forgotten about my non-baby. Tamara and Remy were on my worried list. God forbid something happens and I could have prevented it. But Tamara was a good mother. Her only fault was the ex-boyfriend who got her in trouble with drugs. From everything I could see, she was on the right path. You had to loosen the reins somewhere.

Elliot was still at home. His car was parked in front of the building and the little Asian woman who delivered out mail was sorting through our mailbox.

Shiho "Good afternoon Mrs. Benson!"

Olivia "Hello Shiho. It's almost five o'clock. You running late today?"

Shiho "I play catch up this week, cause last week I took day off. Here is mail for you. Meest-ah Benson must like his dirty magazines."

Elliot "Excuse me?"

I turned to see Elliot standing at the door adorning an apron and an oven mitt. God, he must feel really bad. Cooking was a chore we'd all agreed he was ban from.

Elliot "Stabler."

Olivia "Sweetheart, I'll be in. Give me a sec."

**Olivia takes the Playboy magazine from Shiho and tries to cover up the comment that she had just made. Not to mention she called him Mr. Benson. Oy.**

Shiho "Oh Harrow, Meest-ah. Benson."

Elliot "Stabler. Elliot Stabler."

Shiho "I see you like the Hugh Heffne-ah. I ask because my husband wanting to get magazine too."

**Elliot grabs the mail, including the maazine from Olivia and gives Shiho a criminal glare.**

Elliot "I like the articles."

**Shiho laughs.**

Shiho "Ohhhahahah, you make joke, Meest-ah. Benson. That so funny."

Olivia "It's Stabler, Mrs. Jino. Our last name is Stabler."

Shiho "Stabr-ah? It say Benson."

Olivia "Yeah, I got the magazine for him as a birthday present, that's why my last name is on it, but our last name…his last name is Stabler."

Shiho "Stabr-ah. So you are Benson. Tsk, tsk, tsk, you moderns and your name keeping."

**Shiho turns and goes back to mail sorting.**

Olivia "It was a professional choice."

Shiho "You know what they say about profession? Man with tool in woman's mouth not necessariwry dentist. You no need magazine if you take his name. Some tings are done for good reason. Taking name make husband feel like man. "

**Olivia's mouth dropped and Elliot pulled her towards the door.**

Elliot "Whoa! Well, dinner's ready, we should get to that."

Shiho "Oh wait! I almost miss."

**Shiho hands Elliot a letter.**

Shiho "Adoption New York. You have baby probrems?"

**Elliot pulls Olivia into the open doorway. Now he's the one shielding her from Shiho's comments.**

Elliot "We're good. Thank you, Shiho. Have a good day."

Shiho "You Toooooo!" (she smiles) "Oh, Meest-ah Errwiot, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to make baby. Dirty magazine –Pah. You have hot wife."

Elliot "Good bye!"

Olivia "And the articles-- _are_ good!"

**Elliot closes the door.**

Elliot "Wow. How are you?"

**His takes her into his arms and kisses her on the forehead, but she's still lost in the moment before.**

Olivia "Can you believe that she just said that?"

Elliot "You've heard worse."

Olivia "Are you offended that I didn't take your name?"

Elliot "No."

**He takes her hand and kisses it lightly over and over again.**

Olivia "Because I would take your name. I just thought professionally it would be less complicated."

Elliot "Sh, shh, shhh, you don't need to explain that to me. I like your name the way it is. That's not why I married you."

**He guides her into the kitchen and sits her down at the table.**

Elliot "I made dinner. Salmon, veggies, and rice. Well, crispy rice."

Olivia "You burnt it?"

Elliot "I…yeah, I got side tracked…sit, please. Eat."

Olivia "My, it's been a day. I'm glad you thought of dinner, cause I was about to order tai and well…that conversation just killed my appetite. Anyway, thank you."

Elliot "No problem. You doing okay?"

**Olivia wearily smiled. **

Olivia "I'm fantastic. And sorry. I'm sorry-"

Elliot "Hey, hey, look at me."

He grabbed my face. Warm and forgiving. Although, I'm not sure he was ever really upset by my leaving. He was good that way.

Elliot "You need never apologize for needing space. I trust you. Eat up."

I smiled and watched him take off the apron as I swallowed a dry piece of fish. If Elliot could just set a timer when he cooked or maybe heard the timer when he cooked, this meal could at least be chewable. But I guess, I have no room to complain. It was the thought that counts.

Olivia "Nice apron, Stabler."

Elliot "You Rrrriiiike!" (said with Chinese accent)

Olivia "Elliot, stop."

Elliot "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. But you're right. That's racist."

Olivia "Yeah. Mr. Adoption New York. You didn't tell me that you talked to them."

Elliot "Ah, that…that…My buddy helped out with a case. He works with them and I mentioned wanting to adopt. He said he'd send us info…just in case. I wasn't drawing conclusions."

Olivia "It's fine. It was a good idea."

**Elliot watches her. She seems to be in a good mood, and he smiles knowing that they may pull through this without a fight.**

Elliot "How was the firing range?"

Olivia "Did you follow me, Elliot Stabler?"

Elliot (laughing) "No, I just know you. Listen, Liv, if you want to look into Invetro, I'm with you on it."

Olivia "Really?"

The burnt rice crunched between my teeth as I swallowed with wide eyes.

Elliot "Of course."

I dropped my fish-filled fork and grabbed his hand. Not that the dinner would have prevented me from needing to touch him after that statement.

Olivia "I know it's not natural, and against Catholisim, and needy, and possibly even selfish. And I do want to adopt, but…"

Elliot "There's no need to explain. You want to be pregnant. I get that. Hell, I want you to be pregnant. Do you know how hot you're going to be when you're pregnant?"

And then I blushed, which forced me to reclaim my dignity back with a light slap on his arm.

Olivia "You're bad. And you have a serious thing for pregnant women. What is up with that? That can't be normal."

Elliot "It's hot. You don't know what you're getting into, Mrs. Benson. You thought the sex was good now. You wait."

Olivia "Youch, down boy, down."

**Elliot sat down at the table and took one bite of his fish.**

Elliot "Ah, this is awful."

I nodded with a pained look on my face.

Olivia "I'm glad you said it."

**He smirked in my direction and before I could react I was being lifted away towards the living room.**

Elliot "Screw dinner. I need to hold you."

Olivia "Well if you insist."

**Elliot throws Olivia over his shoulder and drops her on the couch. Tickling and snuggling soon follow and Olivia allows it with open arms.**

I was beginning to enjoy being defected. I think this was the first time in EO history that I didn't have to fight to get my way.

Olivia "Are you sure about the Inverto?"

Elliot "I want you to have my baby. I want your baby. If this is what we have to do, then what the hell."

Olivia "What did I do to deserve the agreeable Elliot Stabler?"

He ate me up with hungry eyes and I laughed again. I did have to say one thing, there was never a dull moment when we were together.

Elliot "What can I say I have a thing for the nose scrunch. That and your shot with that 9 millimeter is still dead on. I'm not cop enough to mess with that."

Olivia "I knew you followed me!"

Elliot "Some old habits will never change."

**Olivia warmly smiles.**

Olivia "I like that old habit."

Elliot played with my hair as we took a moment to read each other's eyes. His were just how I liked them. Soft and familiar. The dim end stand light gave them just enough glow to remain prominent.

Elliot "Just so you know, we have an appointment tomorrow. 10am."

**Olivia cocks her head to the side in question.**

Elliot "I wanted to really take this seriously…for you. So we're gonna go talk to the fertilization team in those pamphlets that Dr. Cox gave you. If that's alright with you."

Olivia "Wha…you did that? You called?"

Elliot "Yeah, I…I did. That's okay right?"

Olivia "Yeah. How did you know I would—"

Elliot "I know you."

As we leaned into tightly kiss and hold onto each other I felt the faint feeling of vibration tickling my thigh. Another bad habit. Elliot growled through our kiss and when the vibration turned into a ring he dug deep into his pocket and clicked the speaker phone of his cell on.

Elliot "Someone better be dead."

Fin's voice "Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before. We got a shooting near Times Square."

Olivia "So have homicide deal with it."

Fin's voice "Liv? Damn, did I interrupt again?"

Elliot "Let's just say, you have a knack for predicting my hard on, Tutuola."

Fin's voice "My bad bro. Just getting you back for getting some. You'll have to blue ball it. I need you there in ten."

Elliot "What kind of shooting?"

Fin's voice "Little girl. Five years old. African American. Abandoned by the mother."

Olivia "Oh my god!"

**Olivia pushes Elliot off of her.**

Olivia "Please tell me she's not wearing a pink t-shirt, blue jeans, and messy corn rows?"

Fin's voice "Ahh…I don't know. Why you know her?"

**Olivia didn't answer. She jumped from the couch and grabbed for her shoes.**

"**New Soul" by Yael Naim fades in as Olivia pulls the keys from Elliot's hand and heads for the squad car. Elliot is closely behind her.**

Elliot "Liv, wait!"

_**I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.**_

_**But since I came here**_

_**Felt the joy and the fear**_

_**Finding myself making every possible mistake**_

_**La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...ETC!**_

_**AN: Hit me with your best shot! Because I love-ah-pat benatar! WooooHooooo **_


	5. Get Happy

**AN: Hello my little EO darlings! Again, I apologize for the wait on this. I'm literally swamped with work and AND- certain chatboard people had really killed my mojo these past few weeks. Anyway- it is time to GET HAPPY! Let's do this.**

**EOOOO**

**Oh and I've been telling everyone this- but check this vidoe out. www. youtube. com/watch?vt9gltSyJFsg (take out the spaces- it's the only way to paste websites on this site.) I've watched this video liek 20 times and I cry every time. But I think I like it so much because when I first watched it I laughed really hard at the beginning of the song and Kathy dieing and then- The FREAK"N SONG CHANGES! AHHH- it's so heart breaking and amazing!**

** Oh OH and if you're in the mood for ridiculous EO fun chekc my retarded rap song out www. youtube. com/watch?vRiXGLRKYDk **

**Anyway, hope all my regulars are doing well. I feel a little out of the loop. ** **April 15th WOOO HOOO**

**Get Happy! **

Lake "Olivia! What are you still doing here?"

Lake patted me on the back as he strolled into the precinct. It had been a long night. Remy was in the IC unit recovering from a bullet to the arm and another that grazed her scull. I'd been lending a hand…okay, I refused to go home. But I know Tamara Robins. She was MIA, but she wasn't a killer, nor would she abandon her child. I was going to do everything I could to fix this mess.

Olivia "Hey there, Chester. You look well rested."

Lake "You look like hell."

Olivia "I feel like hell. Thanks for pointing that out."

Lake "Just pulling your leg. You know you're hot. Any luck?"

I shook my head. The pencil in my fingers twirled back and forth until it uncontrollably flung itself onto the floor. Lack of sleep limited motor functions. As I sipped on a cup of coffee, Elliot came out of the interrogation room and leaned over me to get to his desk. He typed and I guided.

Olivia "Try narcotics. I have a feeling this is gang related."

Elliot "Did that, but without something to tie this guy to the scene, these records are useless."

Olivia "What about paternity?"

Elliot's right hand double clicked the mouse as he kissed my cheek and rubbed my stomach with his free hand.

Elliot "We're gonna get you to that appointment, I promise."

Olivia "No," I smiled and then jerked at his touch. "I was referring to Remy's father. He says he's the father, but is he? That could give us something to start with."

Elliot "That could get us a blood test. We can try it."

Munch threw a file at Lake as he walked passed Elliot and Olivia, who were brainstorming effortlessly in a ball of arms and paper work.

Munch "Now there's something I thought I'd never see again."

I glanced up at him in mid sentence, and chose to ignore the comment as my arm over lapped Elliot's and flipped through the police report. Elliot continued to click through inmates on the screen as he jostled me between his arms and returned Munch's snarky remark.

Elliot "I know not what you speak of, John Munch."

Munch "That's right, I forgot. You never were much of a detective without your other half. My only beef is that it should be a crime that you've harassed her into doing your job again."

Elliot "Owww, them are fight'n words John P. Munch. And I would never violate the rules of harassment unless repeatedly provoked."

He said this as his arm purposefully bumped into the paperwork I was trying to read. Again, I ignored all and any eye contact from every man now present in the office, as I continued to dodge Elliot and read the files in front of me.

Olivia "Munch is just jealous that Fin wasn't as pretty as your partner."

Lake (in an exaggerated homosexual slur) "Thanks for noticing, Liv. I do try to keep up on appearance."

The three of us stopped our work and slowly looked up at Lake who crossed his legs and primped his hair for added effect.

Olivia "That explains the beauty sleep."

The guys laughed at my burn as Lake scrunched his face questionably.

Lake "What? I was kidding. Damn, Benson, can't a guy make a joke?"

Elliot and I gave Munch the old sarcastic eyebrow and returned our attention back to the matter at hand. Even if this had been a stressful evening if was nice to be back in the office. All I needed to cap off this moment was a conspiracy theory and bad coffee.

**Fin enters**

Fin "Coffee's burning."

Munch "Shit! I swear whoever made that coffee pot was out to get me!"

He dropped his work and ran for the coffee station.

**Olivia takes in a deep whiff of air through her nostrils**.

Ahhhhh, there it is. Fin sat in my old desk across from the Elliot's cramped desk that I so stealthily invaded and started clicking away on his computer.

Fin "CSU found a gun a block away in the dumpster. We got some prints."

Elliot walked over to Fin's desk and started going through the pictures taken on scene.

Elliot "Tell me you got something on the piece of shit we're holding in the back?"

Fin "Who, Tamara's ex?"

Elliot "Yes, the infamous Jason Willis. We got him in the green room. He hasn't lawyered up yet, but I'm running out of excuses."

Fin "Sorry, man. Trevor says the prints on the gun are female."

Elliot "Damn it. We're gonna have to let him walk."

Elliot dropped the files and plopped on the edge of his desk. We were both exhausted and worried. I closed my eyes and stretched as Elliot stared at my stomach with a glazed over expression.

Olivia "You okay?"

Elliot "Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just thinking. I can probably hold him in there until we get evidence that he's the father. That will at least give Casey enough time to get us those warrants. You should go home, sweetheart. Get a few winks before that appointment."

Olivia "Elliot the appointment can wait. I could have prevented this mess and I didn't. It's my job to fix it."

Cragen "No it's not."

Damn-it, Cragen!

Cragen strolled into the office with a New York Times and his briefcase in tow.

Cragen "Was there a party I wasn't invited to? Olivia, why are you in my office holding case reports?"

I dropped the papers and stood up.

Olivia "Don…I was only helping."

Cragen "Let me rephrase that then, Munch, why is Olivia Benson sifting through case reports in my Precinct?"

Cragen stopped his stride just before entering his office and turned his eyes toward the lot of us.

Munch "Cap, she was a witness to our victims and she had personal information that lead us to our only perp…at this moment."

Cragen "So you've gotten her report?"

Lake swallowed a bit of a bagel and answered in a half gulp. "Right here. I was just filing them. Here."

The room was suddenly tense.

Cragen "Great, then she can join the rest of your witnesses in the hallway."

Olivia "Captain-"

Cragen "That's Don Cragen to you, Olivia."

Olivia "Don, I didn't mean to impose. I was just on my way-"

Cragen "Out of my office, Olivia. The rest of you get to work."

He didn't even give me a second look. He just turned and closed the door behind him.

Olivia "Sorry guys."

Fin "He's just pissed cause he misses you."

Elliot kissed my forehead and opened my coat for me.

Elliot "I'm off in an hour. I'll be by to pick you up for the appointment, okay."

Olivia "Casey should be here with the warrant to Tamara's mother's house. I say hit that first…I can't imagine Mrs. Robins is on vacation."

Elliot "Liv!"

Olivia "I know, go home."

I was on the verge of tears…again. Recently I was beginning to think those pregnancy tests were wrong. My emotional side seemed endless as of late.

Olivia "Goodbye."

They each gave their sullen goodbyes and I walked to the hallway.

As I left, the room went back to its usual rustle and bustle. It was like I was never there. Elliot laughed at Fin's joke about Cragen's healthy ass stick and I walked to the elevator wishing that I could be a part of it all one more time. But that wasn't my life anymore. In a way the post lady was right. I am a Stabler now…Not a Detective Stabler or an Olivia Benson, but a Stabler. Mrs. Stabler. Why did that seem so terrible to say?

It was like a blessing and a curse. Stand by your man, just make damn sure you know how you want to stand. Right now…I wanted to be an inch from his shoulder, knees bent, feet apart, badge on my side, and glock held at attention.

**The elevator opens and Casey comes out. She's in her jogging pants and tennis shoes combo.**

Olivia "Casey, did you get the warrant?"

Casey "Liv, what are you still doing here?"

Olivia "I'm not here. Did you get the warrant?"

Casey dug into her bag and flipped the blue paper in the air.

Casey "Right here. Sorry it took me so long. Judge Donnelly was pissed that I showed up at her house at 5am. She said not only was it indecent but she never wants to see my gym pants again."

I looked down at the faded holy sweat pants and winced a bit myself.

Olivia "I'm actually surprised you own those."

Casey "What?! They're work out pants. What do you jog in, Gucci?!"

Olivia "They look like they've been through the war."

Casey "Have you ever seen my workout?"

The elevators opened again and I stepped towards them.

Casey "Liv, give me a minute. I'll grab some breakfast with you."

I looked at my watch, 7am.

Olivia "I could use a hard drink."

Casey, who was already walking towards the offices gave me a concerned look and rhetorically answered.

Casey "Or that…"

**SCENE**

**Olivia and Casey sit at an empty bar. An old man pours them a sloppy beer and drops it in front of them.**

Old man "Six."

**Olivia places some cash on the bar.**

Olivia "Thanks."

Casey (to Olivia) "So what's going on? Genuiss and pancakes aren't exactly a breakfast for the champions."

Olivia "Tell that to the Irish."

Casey (laughing) "Wow, that new last name is really wearing off on you, girl."

Olivia "I don't have a new last name."

Casey "Whatever, Stabler. You just quoted the Irish. If that's not love I don't know what is. So I hear you got the silent treatment from Cragen this morning."

Olivia "Rightly so. I never thought there would come a day where I couldn't finagle Cragen into letting me work a case, but ..."

Casey "He'll get over it. And you don't want to go back to SVU anyway."

Olivia "I don't?"

Casey "You've got an awesome job. And you're gonna be a mom. You were on Oprah for gods sake!"

Olivia "I like my new job, but can't a girl reminisce?"

Casey "No, she can only dream. You've been chosen to do bigger and better things, Olivia. Take the opportunity and run with it."

Olivia "I certainly wouldn't have chosen this job."

Casey "Liv! Come on, you're helping society. You're hands on. You're a post girl! You're prevention!"

**Olivia downs the beer and slaps the glass onto the counter.**

Olivia "Prevention. Ah..that requires me to be a role model. Something, I'm not so sure I can handle. And Oprah, how stressful is that! I fuck up and Oprah is going to know."

Casey "What are you gonna fuck up?"

Olivia "The fine line. My students. My child. Who knows! But I can't make mistakes anymore."

Casey "The fine line- Pash! Oprah doesn't care about the fine line, she's best friends with Tom Cruise. What's it matter what she thinks anyway?!"

Olivia "Casey, Oprah Whinphry _is_ Manhattan Women's Facility. Without her money we're nothing. And AND- Oprah is like the all mighty powerful poverty wizard of Oz. You don't mess with Oprah. If the media found out that I allowed Tamara to take her daughter to that concert it could be detrimental to my program and my reputation."

Casey "Okay, Okay, point taken. Oprah's the man and you're ass is on the line. You know, I'm not trying to sound like a know it all, but your life could be a lot worse than the wrath of Oprah, and Tamara Robinson. This will pass. People make mistakes and even professionals can't predict the future. You didn't know that shooting was going to going to take place. Just be lucky you're still breathing."

Olivia "Yeah, I suppose you're right. I just hope Tamara is still breathing and that gun was shot by Jason Willis."

Casey "Don't jump the gun, Liv. We'll work this out."

I nodded and looked up from my empty glass. It was then that I noticed…her. I wasn't sure if I'd drank too much alcohol or if the vision was for real, but there she was at the end of the bar. Kathy Stabler. She stared at me unblinking. Her hair was a mess. As usual.

My cell phone vibrated.

**Casey watches Olivia starring at the empty bar stool.**

Casey "Are you okay?"

I looked down at my phone.

Olivia "That's Elliot."

When I looked back up Kathy was gone and I grabbed my purse as we headed for the door. Casey hugged me for good luck.

Casey "Go make us a baby, Mrs. Stabler (Olivia throws Casey a look) Benson! You're so particular about that. He's your husband, Liv, by law you're one person. Get over it!"

I placed the cell back into my purse and headed for Elliot's car.

**FLASH**

**Kathy can be seen briefly in the passenger seat of the car and Olivia jerks back with a large intake of breath.**

Elliot "You okay?"

Olivia "Yeah, I tripped...pothole."

The leather seat touched my back and a prickling sensation came over me. Her shape flickered next to me. She smiled and placed her hand on Elliot's leg. Why was I thinking about Kathy Stabler? Elliot rubbed my hand as we stopped at a red light and her evil smirk disappeared.

Elliot "You ready for this?"

I held tight to the things Casey and I had just talked about earlier. She was right. I had nothing to fear. Conforming into my new life had been difficult, but never had I reason to think I was living in the wrong. Not had I ever hallucinated. There's a first for everything. I was panicking for no reason. Elliot's touch and his warm smile brought me back to normal breath intakes.

I smiled for him…well and a bit for me too. It's tough being upset on your way to baby shopping. I had to shake this off.

Olivia (smiling) "I couldn't be more ready."

Elliot "Good."

**SCENE**

When we got to the waiting room I was called to the desk to fill out a million forms.

Nurse "Mrs. Stabler?"

Olivia "Benson."

She didn't hear me. The nurse was a young 23 year old, fresh out of college, girl. She was thin and properly made up, with just the right amount of bounce in her ponytail. She was on edge and a little frazzled as she dealt with the paperwork and the seamless phone calls at the same time. My last name dilemma was something that could go over looked I suppose.

I sat back down next to Elliot and he flipped through the pages with me.

Elliot "Just so you know. Remy is awake. I got a call from the hospital after you left."

Olivia "Did you talk to her?"

Elliot "Lake is on it. But I think when we're done here…you know, if you're up for it-."

Olivia "Yes. Yes, definitely, I need to see her. Cragen's not upset is he?"

Elliot "Oop, hang on."

Elliot pulled out his ringing cell phone and kissed me on the lips.

Elliot "No. He's just trying to maintain his status. The higher ups are trying to force him to retire early."

The phone rang again.

Elliot "Plus, I don't care what he thought, I liked it. Having you there again."

Olivia "I love you too."

He winked and placed the phone to his ear. I looked down at the forms as he talked in the corner.

Olivia "Name…"

Elliot "Stabler."

Olivia "Olivia B-"

Elliot "Detective Stabler"

Olivia "ens…"

Elliot "son…Yes, that was my wife. Tamara is her student, yes."

I looked up as he said that and he noticed my glance. Before I could become interested he left the room.

Ahh, okay, focus, Olivia.

Olivia "Name. Olivia Ben…"

I stopped. I couldn't write it. As I paused in thought something caught my eye. My mind playing tricks again. I was alone in the waiting room. In the corner sat Kathy rocking a baby. She smiled at me sweetly and she mouthed "Benson" in my direction. I looked down at the papers again.

Olivia "Olivia Be-"

My hallucination wouldn't go away. The image of Kathy grew more intense. She rocked the ball of blankets in her arms and I watched the image grow fierce with anger until her wild rocking became extreme and the bundle in her arms was thrown onto the floor. I audibly yelled.

Olivia "NO!-Uh…oh my god…"

**The nurse peeks her head out into the waiting room with a phone to her ear.**

Nurse "Mrs. Stabler?"

The image was gone and I stood in the room. The paper work was scattered around me on the floor.

Olivia "I'm fine. Fine. Sorry. It was a…spider."

God, a spider! What the hell! I'm losing my mind!

I grabbed the paperwork and sat on the chair in a huff. I can't believe I was allowing Kathy Stabler to ruin my life, yet again. Enough is enough! I clicked the top of the pen and started over.

Olivia "Name. Olivia (she scratches the "Bens" out with the pen and takes a breath) Stabler. Olivia Stabler."

Ha! Take that Kathy! I'm a Stabler. I am Olivia Stabler!

In a matter of minutes I had finished the paper work and Elliot and I had been taken into the back to be pocked and prodded.

Dr. Cox "Elliot, I'm gonna give you this cup and a back room. You let us know when you're ready."

Elliot "You mean, I gotta do it alone?"

Dr. Cox looked at him in question and nodded inaudibly.

Elliot let go of my hand and took the cup.

Elliot "Just kidding doc. I know the drill."

Five minutes turned to ten and ten turned to thirty. All in all, I had managed to stay calm without Elliot to distract me. Not one thought of the dreaded ex came to mind. Although, I will admit that hallucinations were hard to come by when you had a young hot doctor between your legs. OH MY GOD! Olivia Bens--Stabler, you are bad!

**Olivia is on a doctor's table with her feet in stirrups. Dr. Cox pokes his head up with a smile.**

Dr. Cox "Popped it!"

Olivia's face is stricken with horror.

Dr. Cox "The air bubble in my syringe."

Olivia "Oh!"

Dr. Cox "Yeah, I hope that's all it was." (He giggles in jest.) "Okky, dokky, I'm gonna take some of your eggs now. You're gonna feel a pinch…a small amount of discomfort and that will be it…for now."

Dr. Cox had collected the beginnings of my baby and headed off to his little lab in the next room. I lay on the table starring at the ceiling waiting for Elliot to come back. Finally he walked in and locked the door behind him.

Olivia "Took you long enough."

Elliot "I was reading the articles."

Olivia (smiling) "I'm sure you were."

Elliot sat next to me and held my hand. Lightly he kissed the backs of my fingers.

Elliot "I love you."

Olivia "I love you too. So did they tell you how long it would take?"

Through smothered kissing he replied as he looked up at me with those puppy dog blue eyes.

Elliot "I couldn't do it."

Olivia "What?"

Elliot "Looking at another woman as I created our child? Nah. This is going to be the sample of life, literally, I couldn't produce it while looking at Hustler magazine."

I sat up a little confused.

Olivia "So…what's-"

He pulled the empty cup from his suit jacket pocket and placed it on the table next to me. Then he took off the jacket and undid his belt. While his hands fumbled with the buckles and the zipper, he nestled my face and began kissing the shape of my lips. The cloth gown made access to his touch easy. Before I could protest or think about the fact that we were in a doctor's office, Elliot was on top of me. His pants on the floor, his hand was cupping, grabbing, thumbing my breast, and his kisses were filled with fire and passion. The paper covering the table ripped and rattled underneath of us and he pushed himself inside of me.

Olivia "Never a dull moment with you, Stabler."

Elliot "You started it this morning with your arm grazing and your finger twining. Not to mention, I love how you work a case. God, I miss you."

He grabbed me with his lips and pushed his hips into mine. The tip of him sliding in and out.

Olivia "ohh…oh, Elliot, I miss you too. Leaving you with that case today…I …I could have…"

Elliot "I know, I know. I thought I could forget about those days, but I can't. Today …god… you were such a tease."

I wrapped my legs around his waist and nibbled on his bottom lip. The movement got radically faster.

Olivia "No you were! Sitting on the corner of that desk…double clicking that mouse…breathing into my ear as we brainstormed. Oh god- brainstorm for me right now!"

Elliot "I'm gonna finger print you all up, Detective Benson."

Olivia "Stabler."

Elliot "Stabler?"

Olivia "Stabler!"

Elliot "Detective Stabler! (Elliot rapidly moved his hips up and down the further they went.) Mmmm I like it! AHh- you are too good! Too good to me! After I get you're prints I'm gonna take a blood test."

Olivia "That's right, Detective, test my evidence!"

Elliot "I'm gonna sample your evidence!"

Olivia "Sample it! And then when you're down put me in lock down!"

Elliot "I'm gonna Cuff it, interrogate it, AND war (he pushes)-rant (he pushes) – all of it! (he pushes)

Olivia "I'm Guilty!" (she screams orgazmically and Elliot pulls out and finishes in the cup.)

**They both pause in a mess of red skin, torn paper, and half buttoned/tied clothing. As their eyes meet they both begin to laugh. Elliot falls onto Olivia's chest and she kisses his face repeatedly.**

Olivia "Well, I don't know if that was a Hollywood ending, but it was definitely film worthy."

We gathered ourselves together and Dr. Cox had us wait in the room while he worked his magic. When the time came to be fertilized, I'd felt like Elliot and I actually had a better sexual experience in this doctors office than we would have at home. Nothing beats public sex and goofing around with tongue depressors and cotton balls afterward. Dr. Cox walked into the room with his nurse just as I flung the fifth peroxide soaked cotton ball towards Elliot's head. I missed terribly and the poor nurse got a cheek full of moist ball.

Olivia "Oh god! I'm sorry! We're beginning silly!"

Dr. Cox "Quite alright. I love to see our couples making the best of things."

Elliot "Are we ready to do this? I'm getting antsy…and hungry."

Dr. Cox "Yep. Olivia, lay on the table and I'm gonna give you one quick shot to the uterus and you will be set. We'll see what happens from there."

Elliot squeezed my hand as I lay down with my feet in the stirrups.

Dr. Cox (to nurse) "Jamie, can I have the syringe please?"

Nurse "Sure."

She looked up from her paperwork and sifted through the tray on the table.

Nurse "Hang on. I must have left it in the other room."

AH! God- the wait was killing me. Can we just do this already!

The nurse goes to the cooler and scans the "S" section of the embryos.

Nurse "Stabler, Stabler, Stabler..SSSS- AH- Stabler."

She pulls the tube out and sucks the liquid into a syringe.

Nurse "Perfect!"

When the nurse came back the room grew brightly warm. It was dream like. My hallucinations had become movie magical and glittery light filled my mind. And even though Dr. Cox's hands were that of an Ice berg I smiled tears of joy as the needle hit my pelvis.

**Elliot stands next to Olivia playing with her hair and holding her hand. His eyes are focused on Dr. Cox and every once in awhile he kisses Olivia on the forehead. Her smile is radiant as she too watches the process of child planting.**

_**Forget your troubles c'mon get happy,**_

_**you better chase all your cares away.**_

_**Shout hallelujah c'mon get happy**_

_**get ready for the judgment day.**_

For a second I thought of Kathy, only this time her face was forgiving. She smiled down at me and winked. I thought, maybe this is it. Maybe my fears could be put away. Maybe her ghost could forgive me.

_**the sun is shinin c'mon get happy,**_

_**the lord is waitin to take your hand.**_

_**shout hallelujah c'mon get happy,**_

_**we're going to the promise land**_

If Kathy's purgatory was as sweet as mine, she has no reason to be angry or bitter. Of course, then again, I needed to take my own advice. I gave up detective work for this moment and I almost ruined the moment with thoughts of running back to it. All would be well. I didn't need to crack cases.

_**We're headin across the river to**_

_**wash your sins away in the tide.**_

_**it's all so peaceful on the other side.**_

_**AN: Drop me some lov'n. EOOOO **_


End file.
